Children's books
you'll never see in print:
Clean Air: How much do
we really need? |
Pop Goes The Hamster And Other Great
Microwave Games! |
Why Can't Mr. Fork And Miss Electrical
Outlet Be Friends? |
You're Different, ...and That's Bad. |
Dad's New Wife, Timothy! |
Testing Homemade Parachutes Using Only
Your Household Pets! |
The Hardy Boys, The Barbie
Twins and The Vice Squad. |
Babar Meets The
Taxidermist. |
Curious George and The High
Voltage Fence!* |
Bi-Curious George* (*Two book set) |
The Boy Who Died From Eating All His
Vegetables |
Start A Real Estate Empire With The Change From Your
Mom's Purse! |
The Pop Up Book of Human Anatomy |
Things That Rich Kids Have, But
You Never Will. |
The Care Bears Maul Some Campers and Are Shot
Dead! |
How To Become The Dominant Military Power
In Your Elementary School.* |
Controlling The Playground: Respect
Through Fear* (Another great two book
set) |
The Little Sissy Who Snitched |
Some Kittens Can Fly! |
The Attention Deficit
Disorder Association's Book of Wild Animals of North Amer-Hey! Let's Go Ride Our Bikes! |
W h a t I S T h a t D o
g D o i n g T o T h a t O t h e r D o g ? |
Daddy Drinks......Because You
Cry... |
Don't
break your funny bone! I would love to hear some of your jokes or funny stories, so if you
want to share, just let me know!
Excerpts taken from
"real" letters to Dear Abby:
Dear Abby,
A couple of women
moved in across the hall from me. One is a middle aged gym teacher and the other is a
social worker in her mid-twenties. These two women go everywhere together and I've never
seen a man go into their apartment or go out. Do you think they could be Lebanese? Signed,
Curious
Dear Abby,
I have a man I
never could trust. He cheats so much I'm not even sure the baby I'm carrying is his.
Dear Abby,
I am a 23 year old
liberated woman who has been on the pill for 2 years. It's getting expensive and I think
my boyfriend should share half the cost, but I don't know him well enough to discuss money
with him.
Dear Abby,
I suspected that my
husband had been fooling around, and when I confronted him with the evidence, he denied
everything and said it would never happen again.
Dear Abby,
Our son writes that
he has been taking Judo. Why would a boy who was raised in a good Christian home turn
against his own?
Dear Abby,
I joined the Navy
to see the world. I've seen it. Now how do I get out?
Dear Abby,
My 41 year old son
has been paying a psychiatrist $50.00 an hour every week for 2 and a half years. He must
be crazy.
Dear Abby,
I was married to
Bill for 3 months and I didn't know he drank until one night when he came home sober.
Dear Abby,
Do you think it
would be alright if I gave my doctor a little gift? I tried for years to get pregnant, and
finally he did it.
Dear Abby,
My mother is mean
and short tempered. Could she be going through her mental pause?
Dear Abby,
.......then you
told someone whose husband lost all interest in sex, to go to a doctor. Well, my husband
has no interest in sex and he IS a doctor.
Dear Abby,
Our son was married
in January. Five months later, his wife gave birth to a 10 pound baby girl. They said the
baby was premature. Tell me, can a baby be that big, that early? Signed, Wondering.
Dear Wondering,
The baby was on
time, the wedding was late. Forget it.
The following are taken
from "actual" classified ads:
| Free puppies: half
cockerspaniel, half sneaky neighbour's dog. |
Free Yorkshire Terrier.
8 years old. Unpleasant little dog. |
1 Man, 7 Woman Hot
Tub-$850/offer |
| Amana washer $100, owned
by clean bachelor who seldom washed. |
Snow blower for sale.
Only used on snowy days. |
Free puppies. Part
German Shepherd, part dog. |
| 2 wire mesh butchering
gloves: 1-5 finger, 1-3 finger, pair $15.00 |
Cows, calves never bred.
Also 1 gay bull for sale. |
83 Toyota Hunchback -
$2000.00 |
| Star Wars Job of the
Hut. $15.00 |
Soft & Genital Bath
Tissue or facial tissues. 89 cents |
German Shepherd, 85
pounds. Neutered. Speaks German. |
| Full size mattress. 20
Yr. Warranty. Like new. Slight urine smell. |
Free! 1 can of pork and
beans with the purchase of a 3 bdrm 2 bath home. |
For Sale: Lee Majors (6
Million Dollar Man) - $50.00 |
| Nordic Track. Hardly
used. $300 Call Chubbie. |
Found: Dirty white dog.
Looks like rat, been out awhile. Better be reward. |
Harrisburg Postal
Employees Gun Club. |
| Georgia peaches.
California grown. 99 cents lb. |
Nice parachute. Never
opened. Used once. Small stain. |
Free: Farm kittens.
Ready to eat. |
| American flag. 60 stars.
Pole included $100 |
Tired of working for
only $9.75 per hour? We offer flexible hours. Starting pay $7-$9 per hour. |
Alzheimers Centre
prepares for "An Affair to Remember". |
| Ground Beast: 79 cents
lb. |
Bar S sliced balogna.
Regular or tasty. Save 30 cents on 2. |
Open House: Body Shapers
Toning Salon. Free coffee & donuts. |
| Kelloggs Pot Tarts -
$1.99 a box. |
Fully cooked boneless
smoked man. $2.09 lb. |
Exercise equipment:
Queen size mattress & box spring - $175 |
Thoughts For The Day
A bus station is where the bus stops,
A train station is where the train
stops,
On my desk I have a work
station..........
If Fed X and UPS were to merge would
they be called Fed-Up?
I believe 4 out of 5 people have
trouble with fractions.
How come you never hear about gruntled
employees?
If quitters never win, and winners
never quit, what fool came up with "Quit while you're ahead"?
Do Earl Grey or Bulyea employees take
"coffee" breaks?
What hair colour do they put on the
driver's licenses of bald men?
Women should pictures of missing
husbands on beer cans.
Employment applications always ask who
to notify in case of emergency. I think you should write "A good doctor".
